


Save Yourself

by theimaginesyouneveraskedfor



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-08 02:05:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11071773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theimaginesyouneveraskedfor/pseuds/theimaginesyouneveraskedfor
Summary: The reader finds herself chasing after Kili as he becomes distracted by another.





	Save Yourself

> _It weighs heavier on one’s heart  
>  I could tell right from the start that  
> Sweeter ones are hard to come across _

* * *

You never expected imprisonment to be enjoyable, but as it turned out, it was torturous. You sat just inside the iron bars embedded in the thicketed corridors of Mirkwood palace. You could hear voices, low amidst the disgruntled hush of dwarves. Worse even, you could see the source of the whispers and the nuances of their coquettish exchange. You hissed as jealousy seared your spine and turned your attention to scratching away the dried dirt which lined the palms of your hand.

Keeping your head lowered, you peeked over once more as you tried to remain covert. The auburn-haired elf tossed back her silky hair and her green eyes flickered bemusedly. Kili smiled, a gesture which had often set your heart to flutter, but when roused by the elf, it turned you feral. You could have broken the damned she-elf if it not for the bars holding you at bay.

You shook your head and sighed darkly, your eyes catching another set of irises as you tore them away from the infuriating scene. Fili watched you from across the corridor, curious and knowing all the same. You grumbled and shifted your back to the bars, embarrassed that he had witnessed your envious turmoil. If only the other Durin would notice your chagrin.

Only hours ago, Kili had been rambling at your side. Albeit, he was disoriented by the air of Mirkwood forest and unable to produce a coherent thought, but he has been with you. Focused on you. Not distracted by some dainty elf.

You picked at a stray thread hanging from your cuff, your anger causing you to tear it entirely from the cloth. Your sleeve hung even looser from your arm and the chill of the cell crept up your back, cold against the bars. You shivered and tucked your hands into your sleeves, yawning despite the tension which kept your body rigid. You let your head loll against the iron and closed your eyes in resignation. You were tempted to check if the elf lingered still but it would only add to the boil of your emotions.

As your eyelids began to thicken with the weight of your exhaustion, a subtle scoff, more amused than disproving, opened them. You peered over your shoulder, twisting slightly to see the elf failing to conceal a half-grin as she turned away from Kili’s cell. She finally stepped away from his bars but Kili’s warm brown eyes followed her with longing down the corridor, further stoking your unease. Even if she was gone, her presence remained as a dark cloud over you.

You felt the eerie sense of another’s gaze and once more turned to find Fili intent on you. You snarled and rolled your eyes, vexed by yet another Durin. One seemed not to even recall your existence and the other, seemed to be entirely entertained by it. Your confinement was the least of your problems as you sat trapped between the wily princes.

* * *

> _Well there is more than meets the eye  
>  Heart like yours is rare to find  
> Someone else’s gain will be my loss _

* * *

You couldn’t help but bite your nails as you watched Kili from across the cramped, musty room of the bargeman’s home. Fili sat beside him, bent over the sallow dwarf as he clutched at the wound in his leg. Despite Oin’s care, the younger Durin seemed little better and your own concern was mirrored by his brother’s.

The dark circles under Kili’s eyes were stark against the sweat glistening across his weakened palour and you suppressed a worried hum as Fili helped him lay down beneath a patched woolen blanket. The older prince rose with one last look towards his ailing brother before turning his attention to the sullen dwarves huddled around the room in small pairs. You were the only of the Company who sat alone and he did not fail to notice, his eyes finding you swiftly.

He crossed the room, his boots causing the salty floorboards to creak and sat beside you silently, crossing his arms across his knees as he pulled them up before him. He sighed and lowered his head, his golden locks falling forward as he did. You could see him mulling his words before he spoke and waited patiently, yourself unable to render a coherent syllable.

“He’ll be fine,” Fili assured with brittle certainty, “He can’t not be.” He reached up and rubbed his beard with his stocky fingers, “But what about you?” He looked over at you grimly, “You alright?”

“Y-yes,” You stuttered and swallowed dryly, “I’m just…tired.”

“Y/N,” The corner of his mouth twitched and his dimples deepened, “Don’t worry about Kili. I mean it. He’ll be fine. It’s only a flesh wound. He’s had worse. You know that as well as I.”

“Mmm,” You grumbled and ran a finger across your lip anxiously, “I guess.”

“Aw, come on, Y/N,” Fili nudged you lightly with his elbow, “Cheer up. At least we’re no longer behind bars.”

“At least? Now we’re trapped in this mildewed house when the Mountain is so close,” You tried to keep the whine from your voice, “How long do we hide here?”

“Ugh, you’re beginning to sound like by uncle,” He chuckled and his blue eyes followed yours as they wandered back to the reclining Kili. His chest rose softly with drowsy breaths and a quiet snore escaped his lips, a reassuring rumble in the solemn chamber, “Y/N, don’t worry so much. I swear, he’s not going anywhere without me.”

“Sorry,” You apologized as you righted your posture and rubbed your neck awkwardly, “I know you’re right, I just…”

“You’re tired, like everyone else,” He finished for you, his eyes boring into as he left some thought unspoken, “I think it’d be best if we took my brother’s lead and lay down while we can. Knowing Thorin’s impetuous ways, we’ll likely not have much of a chance after tonight.”

“Likely not,” You agreed and let your shoulders slump, hiding a yawn behind your hand, “Thanks, Fili. I know I can be a bit…”

“Please, we’re all a little mad sometimes. And after the journey we’ve had, it’s too be expected.” He placed his hands on his knees and pushed himself to his feet with an achy groan, “I’ll keep an eye on Kili, not that he needs it. And you,” He pointed a single finger at you with a motherly air, “Get some sleep.”

“Alright,” You couldn’t help a small smile as he gave you one last sharp look and turned on his heel, sauntering back to his brother’s side swiftly.

You glanced around the room to find many of the company already taking Fili’s advice. Bilbo was curled into a ball in the corner, only feet away from Bofur and his brothers who snored in a heap by the single hearth. The other dwarves had settled in similar groupings but for the king and his ever-loyal comrade, Dwalin. Both sat stiffly against the wall, arms crossed and lips drawn as they issued gristly whispers to each other. They were plotting some ruse but you were much too tired to pry.

You stretched your legs out and lowered yourself onto your side, tucking your arm under your head with another prolonged yawn. Your eyes met Fili’s once more as he laid next to his sickly brother and he smiled at you gently. It was as if he knew something but would not say what. Perhaps he had caught onto your none-so-subtle longing for his brother, not that it would be very difficult to guess at.

You squeezed your eyes shut at the thought, embarrassed that your emotions were so transparent. Thinking on it made his words seem teasing, ingenuine, and you realized that you may have misinterpreted ridicule for concern. _How pathetic were you?_ Fawning after Kili like some lost pup and all the while being so oblivious to your own indiscretion.

* * *

> _If only I had strength to change your mind_  
>  Oh for what you need  
> You will not seek  
> Choose your words before you speak  
> Can you see that all you’ve got is time?

* * *

When Kili arrived at the Mountain, you were relieved to see him recovered and looking well. As he limped next to Fili, you couldn’t help the smile which broadened across your face. It was a brief reprieve from the oppression of Thorin’s dragon sickness. You raced up the walkways until you found the princes trying to navigate through the dark corridors and resisted the urge to wrap your arms around the younger of the pair.

“You made it,” You exclaimed, “Oh, it’s been so miserable here…and I was so worried. Your leg-”

“Is fine,” Kili assured, placing his hand on your shoulder, “You worry too much. About me, anyhow. It seems you should be concerned for my uncle.”

“Yes, very concerned,” Fili grumbled, “He’s not himself, is he?”

“Surely not,” You answered, “But he won’t hear anyone. All he does is rave about the Arkenstone and if for one minute he sees us idle, he seems like to run us through.”

“Not much of a surprise,” Fili frowned, ever the more sober of the two, “Mother had mentioned that it may happen.”

“She did,” Kili leaned against the wall and rubbed his leg, “This damned wound is so itchy.”

“Are you well?” You inhaled sharply.

“I told you, I’m well enough. It’s more annoying than anything,” He pushed himself from the wall, “If it wasn’t for Tauriel-”

“Tauriel?” You growled, your eyes narrowing, “The elf?”

“The very one,” He issued a dreamy sigh, “We wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for her. Pray Mahal that I see her again and can thank her for her efforts.”

“Mmm,” Your smile faded slowly and Fili shook his head at you, “Well, I doubt we’ll ever see the sun again lest we find your uncle’s cursed gem.”

“I will see her again,” Kili vowed and you turned to hide your derisive scowl, “In more than my dreams.”

You pushed away your emotion, forcing a vacant stare as you looked back to the dark-haired prince, distracted by the fantasies swirling behind his fawn-like eyes. You gulped awkwardly, your presence entirely forgotten by Kili, and peeked over at his brother who shared a similar air of exasperation. He offered a shrug and consoling smile and you merely turned your back to the pair with a huff.

“Well, I’m off to continue the search,” You stated plainly, “Before Thorin notices my absence.”

* * *

> _Don’t give in to that feeling  
>  Don’t give in darkness and faith, yeah  
> You should be safe, yeah, with someone else _

* * *

The battle was hard-won but you had survived and so too had the blood of Durin. Barely. All three heirs to the Mountain had been wounded and laid feeble behind closed doors. Your own fortune was little better; a slice across your thigh and another down your forearm. A staggering blow had turned your left eye swollen and purple and your lip split.

You were well enough to walk on your own strength, unlike both princes and the king, and so you trod the corridors of Erebor, eager to check on the youngest of your liege. For two days, you had visited Kili and offered what little comfort you could as he lay prone in agony. He was all you thought of, worrying that he may not be so fortunate as he had been in Laketown, and you nagged Oin constantly for word of his condition.

You stopped before his chamber and raised your hand, rapping on it as you swayed on your feet anxiously. You waited but received no answer and knocked again, patiently staring at the door as the door handle finally jiggled. Your elation was deflated as the door opened and revealed to you was a face you had hoped to never see again. Tauriel looked down at you in her serene manner and you glanced past her to Kili who watched her with intensity. It was the most alert he had appeared in days.

“I…uh,” You sputtered as you looked from dwarf to elf, “Was just coming to check in on Kili.”

“Again?” Kili smiled but did not tear his eyes from Tauriel, “You were just here this morning.”

“Yes, but you were tired and I—I can see you’re busy. My apologies,” You shifted on your feet as heat stung your cheeks, “I’ll come back later, then.”

“You don’t have, too,” Kili pleaded, though he seemed little bothered by your discomfort, “Tauriel only just arrived and I’m sure she wouldn’t mind the company.”

“No, no, please,” You waved away his empty invitation, “I’ll let you be.”

You turned before either could argue further, not that you thought they would, and marched down the corridor as anger began to seethe within you. You had thought the elf gone. _Was she so foolish as too choose a dwarf over her home?_ And Kili. How enamored he was with the elf. _What a dope!_ He had known you for much longer, could trust you and yet he acted as if he loved her. It could not be. Not so soon.

As you turned the corner, you nearly stomped straight into Oin as he pulled shut a heavy stone door. He grimace as you slid to a sharp stop and looked you over with his discerning eyes. “You here to see the prince?”

“Um,” You bit your lip, only then realizing you were before Fili’s chamber. You had been selfish in not visiting him sooner, “Sure…I mean, yes.”

“Aye, I suppose it would do him well,” The medic drawled, “Give it a knock and go in. He’s the only just awoken.”

“Right,” You smiled awkwardly and the grey-haired dwarf slowly retreated down the hall without another word.

You turned to the stone and frowned at it guiltily. Fili wouldn’t know that you had waited so long but you still felt terrible. Despite being so distracted by his brother, you could not help but feel beholden to the other for his support in the last weeks. 

While Kili fawned over his elven paramour, Fili had been right there at your side. Surely, he knew how it stung you to see the one you loved fall for another. What, with how ardently he tried to cheer you and keep your attentions elsewhere.

You knocked hesitantly and dug your toe into the floor, waiting for a response.

“Come in,” The voice was weak yet welcoming, “Please. I’m afraid I’m in no state to open the door myself.”

You hovered your hand above the handle before clutching it, pushing inward slowly to the dimly lit chamber flickering in the light of a half dozen low-burning lamps. Fili’s blue eyes were pale and shadowed with dark bags, his shoulder wrapped with stained bandages which continued down his torso. He looked frail as he sat against a stack of pillows but nonetheless he smiled as you entered, closing the door behind you with a low groan.

“Y/N,” He greeted brightly, “Oh, thank Mahal you’re here. Oin’s rather dull company and I’m in enough agony as it is.”

“Hmmp,” You forced a chuckle as you slowly neared his bedside, “How do you feel?”

“As good as I look, likely,” He kidded and gestured weakly for you to sit on the cushioned stool next to his bed, “You look worse, I’d say. Unhappy…annoyed?”

“Yes, well, I won’t burden you with my woes,” You lowered yourself onto the seat, “Not when you’re already in such a state.”

“Please, I long for any form of intrigue,” He pleaded and shifted against his pillows, “Wait, I know what it is,” His eyes glimmered and you looked away meekly, “It’s Kili, isn’t it? As per usual, you’re working yourself up over my lout of a brother-”

“He’s wounded. As savagely as you,” You argued defensively, “Would you not even ask how he fairs?”

“I know how he fairs, Oin informed me quite thoroughly of my kin’s recovery,” He shook his head, “Then he reprimanded me for not being so quick to wake. Said I took my damned time in rejoining the living.”

“And did he tell you who has come to visit your brother? Who sits beside him and would nurse him back to health in our dear medic’s stead?”

“No, but I’ve a feeling it’s what has you so riled? Please, tell me before your ears begin to smoke with your fury,” He teased and you sighed, resisting the urge to box the wounded prince across the shoulder.

“The elf,” You mumbled, “Tauriel or whatever her stupid name is.”

“Mahal, Y/N, you need to get over him,” Fili exclaimed, clutching his ribs at his sudden outburst, “And yourself. Maybe he loves her or maybe he doesn’t but acting the fool won’t make it any different.”

“Fili, I—You don’t know what you speak of,” You accused and pouted as you glared back at him.

“I do,” Fili insisted, “I’m not as oblivious as my brother. I know you love him, it’s not hard to see. But you need to realize that you’re worth more than that. 

“You’re better than being the dam who dreamily clings to his heels as he chases another.” He sighed and inhaled deeply wincing at the pain it sent through him, “Just give it time. And space. If it’s meant to be, it will sort itself out but you do yourself little good worrying yourself over it. Leave him be. Think of yourself…realize what _you_ truly want.”

“It’s…not fair,” You croaked as your shoulders slumped, “I thought…Kili and I, we’ve been best friends for so long and I thought—I guess I was only lying to myself.”

“Y/N, please,” Fili reached out his hand and you slowly took it, feeling the roughened skin of his palm, “Just breath, alright? You’ll be fine. Everything will turn out as it should but please, oh,” His voice peaked in compassion, “Don’t cry.”

“Sorry,” You wiped away the tears with your free hand and sniffled, “I don’t want to cry but it just hurts so bad.”

“You don’t know that he doesn’t love you yet,” Fili offered as he closed his fingers snugly around your hand, “How could he not?” His smile stunted your tears and your own lips curved in return, “Now, enough about that cursed prince. Tell me what you’ve been up to while I’ve been asleep…besides wringing your hands over my brother.”

* * *

> _Tell your secrets to the night  
>  You do yours and I do mine  
> So we won’t have to keep them all inside _

* * *

Every day you had knocked at Kili’s door, you found the she-elf in his presence and every day he seemed to notice you less. Frustrated and unable to bear the scene any longer, you abandoned your visits and went directly to Fili’s chambers instead. You had always made certain to see him after you checked in with his brother and you were gladdened each day to find him stronger than the one before.

When you were with Fili, you forgot about Kili and the crack he had etched into your heart and the less you saw him, the less you thought of it. This day, you passed Kili’s rooms without a thought and skipped to a halt before Fili’s. You rapped on the stone melodically and clung to the bundle under your arm tightly. You heard stirring from within and were surprised when Fili opened the door himself, revealing a triumphant grin as he greeted you.

“Y/N, you’re here!” He held the door for support and waved you inside, “Please, come in.”

“Thank you,” You stepped through the stone arch and he closed the door carefully behind you, “You’re on your feet, I see.”

“Isn’t it wonderful?” He moved slowly but steadily as he crossed to a chair and offered you the seat, “I’m still a bit shaky, but it’s not so bad once I’m up and about.”

“Well, I’ve a surprise for you,” You waved away his offer of a seat, “To make your day even better.”

“You do?” He eyed the bundle eagerly, “And what possibly could be better than this.” He attempted to twirl on his feet but ended up stumbling into the chair he had meant for you, “Oi!”

“Are you alright?” You gasped, withholding the chuckle the display tempted from you.

“Quite,” He answered and righted himself in the chair, “Now get to your surprise before I lose interest.”

“I don’t think you could,” You giggled and set down the bundle on the table next to him, unrolling the cloth with a chink of metal, “Dwalin found these. Said they were for the taking so…I took a few I thought you’d like.”

You revealed the row of knives; ten in total, varying in length and a size, some curved and others straight. “Most are in fair condition but I figured you could repair any that need it once your well enough to work in the forge. Or I could, and–”

“Y/N,” The gravity of his tone silenced you, “I…thank you. This is so kind of you and-” He rubbed his beard with an odd expression and tried to hide the red budding in his cheeks, “You did mean to give these to me, right?”

“What do you mean?” You tilted your head in confusion.

“They aren’t some gift rejected by my brother-”

“What? No,” You were shocked by the insinuation, “Not at all. I saw them and I thought of you. I know that you’ve been trapped in this room for so long and you lost so many of your knives back in Mirkwood and I…thought you’d like them.”

“I do, I do,” He asserted and his lips twitched, “I just—Never thought you’d think of me when I wasn’t right standing right in front of you.”

“Oh,” You pondered his words and the weight returned to your chest. You backed away and sat upon the bench just across from Fili. “I’m done…with Kili. You know, I don’t really think it was meant to be. Even if it were, he found another and I can’t waste my life yearning after him.” Your thoughts spilled out as remorse overcame you, “And I’m sorry, Fili. I’ve treated you as a pawn. I’ve used you so unfairly in my grief. I’ve been selfish and-”

“Don’t be sorry,” He said evenly, “You’ve no need. All I ever wanted was for you to take care of yourself, Y/N. My brother…he was no good for you. All he ever did was torture you and I couldn’t stand to watch it any longer.”

“I…” You exhaled and looked away, knitting your fingers together anxiously, “Why? Why did you care so much?”

Your question went unanswered as silence overtook the chamber, the air strained between the two of you as you avoided each other’s eyes. You thought of the past weeks and the many visits you had made to Fili. How every day you were ever more keen to see him. How the moment you had claimed those knives, you could only think of how big a smile he would wear. How his eyes would sparkle and you would see in him the longing you had never received from Kili.

Your heart faltered and your head spun. A sudden realization rose like a fog around you and you were trapped in the haze.

“Fili,” You turned to him with widened eyes, “I…” Your mouth hung open as you tried to sort through your thoughts, “I think I love you.”

His deep chuckle shook you as he tossed back his head. He laughed and clutched at his sides as he bent over in his chair, wiping away tears which rose. You watched dumbfounded until he straightened himself in his seat and sniffed away his mirth.

“Y/N,” He sputtered and cleared his throat, steadying himself, “How I’ve longed to hear you say those words. All these years I’ve watched you grovel at my brother’s feet and trip over yourself for his heart. Every day was torment for I loved you. Truly. I knew it was not the same infatuation you harboured for Kili, it was more.”

Fili shook his head and looked away, swallowing harshly as he chose his words. “I love you, Y/N. You’re the one. My One. There is no doubt in my mind of that. I only regret that me being near-death was the only manner in which it could become obvious to you.”

“Fili, I’m so sorry, I never—how could I be so blind?”

“I am not mad, Y/N,” He stood slowly, pushing himself with the help of his chair, dragging his feet over to sit beside you on the bench, “We suffered the same pain. The same unrequited love. Until now,” He took your hands in his, his thumbs caressing your skin softly, “You’re still the One. You always will be.”

Cutting of any further response, Fili leaned in and pressed his lips to yours. You pulled your hand from his and touched his cheek, running your nails through the thick swath of his beard. Slowly, you back away, savouring the warmth of his kiss, and looked into his eyes wondrously.

“You were right,” You breathed, “I was a fool.”


End file.
